My Sad Dad

In the early eighties I was bottoming out on drugs and alcohol. My drinking had been the shameful habit I had carried from the age of fifteen, a straight A student with many achievements, I was a teenage alcoholic and knew I was exactly like my father. He was who I called to ask for help. I told him if he allowed my mother to come forward with her incredible denial, you are perfect, you are wonderful, stop drinking, I would kill myself. He met me at the airport, and we drove home in the silence of understanding. We are the same. Later, instead of becoming violent I allowed someone to hurt me until it became clear I would have to get help or die. Again, my father stepped forward, this time with a broken heart as my eldest sister Catherine, had been killed by a drunk driver several months before. This time it worked. On December 22, 1984, I stopped drinking and stayed sober. This year it will be thirty-eight years of continuous sobriety.

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Molly Moynahan
Equipment

We had almost no equipment when our son was born. We moved to London when I was six months pregnant and even though it was clearly only a matter of time before there would be a baby, we had nothing. Leaving my beloved one-bedroom on the Upper West Side of Manhattan was an exercise in minimalism. Except for a Jennifer Convertible couch, I owned next to nothing.

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Molly Moynahan
How to Ask for Help

Lately I’ve been thinking about how we learn to take care of ourselves. The word “resilience” is being reexamined for its message. Is it a compliment to be told how strong you are or is it something else? My own experience with endurance could probably be distilled to how I gave birth. My son stood up in the final days after being head down for nine months. The decision was made to turn the baby in the womb so, hopefully, a caesarian could be avoided.

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Molly Moynahan