Exile on the Gold Coast

“Life is not always easy, or fair. Contrast is a necessary part of our spiritual journey in this lifetime. Self-pity, or feeling defeated, is not the way to deal with it. Stay strong and move forward.” – Anthon St. Maarten

I drove six hours from Leland, Michigan to Chicago to spend time with my new granddaughter and immediately got the cold from hell which banned me from any further contact. The nadir was a lunch at Gibsons when I sat alone at a separate table while my son and daughter-in-law sat with the baby, I believed far from anything infectious but apparently the entire restaurant was considered too close. I was told I didn’t respect boundaries and other awful ways that boomers violate the code of millennials. I spent a day crying and then, as this cold worsened, realized I was in fact, sick. 

photo Art Institute of Chicago

The freezing temperatures here in Chicago have made it necessary to more or less hunker down. There is a huge quantity of snow and ice in Leland and Traverse City. I am staying in a mansion on the Gold Coast so no more whining. I just can’t go near the baby. I have another week here in exile, feeding my friend’s cat.

What have I learned? The baby doesn’t know me from the dog, my son and his wife are very careful which is wonderful. Also, I will never go to Gibsons again. There is little worse than feeling like a stupid old lady in a fancy restaurant. I have learned, again, I am the world’s worst patient, and that it is possible to nearly cough yourself into a stroke.

I was given a preview of a possible cover for my book, MotherPerson and it is gorgeous. A woman in an apron pointing a finger. While I have tried to act like I believed I had a book deal and a book publishing in October, I had a persistent sense that it was all a hoax and really, nothing was going to happen. Seeing this cover made it possible to get excited about the novel. 

Yesterday I went to the Gene Siskel Film Center and saw a sweet French movie called Young Mothers. The film focuses on four very young women who have recently had babies or are about to give birth. It’s a very simple set up; we see them with their children and also the staff at the place where they are being given a home. One mother has a mother who hits her, another has an unreliable boyfriend, while the couple who finishes the film are the most stable and loving. It’s a really good movie which reinforced what I now see as a form of denial, that my parenthood days are over. Yes, I still have a son, but he is a father and a husband and those identities take precedence. I never understood the bad behavior of mothers who couldn’t let go of their kids. Now I do. But I want to be that other mother who is able to love unconditionally and basically fucks off. I am fully aware that any self-esteem I might have will be erased by a position of neediness. Still, it’s hard to be this sick alone, even in a borrowed mansion.

– Molly Moynahan