If you look into someone’s eyes while toasting anyone, your sex life is unaffected. If you respond to a once-in-a-lifetime offer, it will be offered again, and again. You can stop smoking, drinking, taking drugs, eating poorly, start exercising many times. There is no cut-off. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because they imply, you’re in or you’re out. Guess what? There’s a hallway, a doorstep, a toe dip, an effort that might not be perfect but there is hope and you can always ask for different cards. Everything doesn’t happen for a reason. Sometimes they just happen and they’re terrible and that’s too bad. Hopefully, things will get better.

Changing your mind is a sign of emotional intelligence. A month after I received the first half of an advance for my first novel I went to Jamaica for a vacation on my own. Finally getting paid for writing gave me permission to actually spend some of the money on myself. A famous spot in Negril is Rick’s Café which is located on a cliff overlooking the crystal clear water. I climbed to the top of the cliff, stepped to the edge, looked down and heard everyone  watching yell “Jump!” The height was thirty-five feet and there was a line behind me. I thought about my soon-to-be published novel, my unborn child, my parents, my hard-won sobriety, and realized I could change my mind. The people behind me would move over and I could descend the steps. Which I did. I felt great relief and no regret.

Since that time, I jumped from a fifty foot platform in Texas while my then husband and toddler son were busy buying hotdogs, so they missed this heroic feat. I finished a full distance triathlon, quit a well paid job, married for a third time, bicycled eighty-five miles in one day, and stopped dyeing my hair. I am not a coward, but I know when something isn’t worth the risk. What is worth the leap? Many things including leaving your circle of friends, your comfort zone, your usual routine and pushing yourself harder for something that will make your life better. I did not think drowning for the glory of a cliff jump was worth it. Applying to college should feel exciting and creative or maybe you need to defer or pursue a trade. If something feels wrong or too dangerous, it probably is. Be brave but be kind to your precious self. Trust your gut and remember, you can always turn around.

—Molly Moynahan, author and writing coach

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